Have you ever heard the above term? I know, most of the teens would have definitely heard them. This is one of the most happening terminologies in most teens dictionary today. But those who do not know will be shocked to hear what it exactly means. Most teens within the age group of 14-18 years have developed a new type of relationship including the ’sex-only’ relationship. The boys and girls now a day hook up with their counterparts only for sexual pleasure without the involvement of any dating relation or intimacy between them. They consider the concept of ‘friends with benefits’ better than any other committed one. Teens getting sexually active is of no surprise, its their age and hormones. With their age, having oral sex is much common than intercourse. Because it can be performed with many partners. But have anyone ever tried to guess about the dangers associated with oral sex ? Surprised ! Don’t be ! Because yes, oral sex can also be equally dangerous as with an unprotected sex.

Why Teens Need ‘Friends With Benefits’?

An obvious answer is the ‘Peer pressure’ which influences the life of a teen very strongly. But there are many other reasons adding to this. ‘Showing a cool attitude at school or gatherings’, ‘trying to become popular‘, ‘considering oral sex better and safe than unprotected intercourse’ and many more are the top reasons for teens getting engaged in sexual activities. Teenagers who are aware of STDs, pregnancies and other consequences of unprotected sex, find oral sex better and safer.

What Are The Risks of Oral Sex ?

• Risks Occurring Due To Oral-Penis Contact -

If the male partner has some infections, then there are chances that the receptive partner can get infected swallowing the body-fluid or semen of the male partner. If it comes in contact with any cold sores, open sores then it can get routed directly to the blood stream. Then the pathogen can spread in number and start the infection in the receptive partner. Even the receptive partner with bleeding gums or open sores can also pass its infection to the other partner through any wound or cut in the sexual organ. The risk of transmitting an STD through oral sex is very minimum than the anal sex or vaginal sex.

• Risks Occurring Due To Oral-Vagina Contact -

Transmitting STDs like HIV can be possible in the insertive partner with oral sex with infected women. Because if the vaginal fluids is infected, it can cause the infection in the receptive partner after the vaginal fluid enters the mouth. If the insertive partner has cut, sores or bleeding gums, then it can transfer the infection to the other partner by coming into contact with any vulvar sores or vaginal cuts or sores.

“I didn’t want to keep looking. But I did.”

This was what most teens say, when caught red-handed engaged in porn viewing. It is not their fault. This is a very usual thing which can happen to most teens. Not only guys but girls can also be a part of this. It’s the age, the newly dominating hormones, the adolescent behavior and the curious mind. Do you remember how you got to see those pron materials for the first time ? Most would definitely remember “Internet” as the answer (in their mind). Because porn is available very easily on net. People are selling sex targeting the teens. Most are also available free of cost, as a sample so that once you get addicted to it, you end up watching by paying. It’s not your fault ! Trust me, it was never your fault. It’s a cheap mischief out of which some are earning. Only we need to understand that. Few incidents which I came across are provided below.

Incident 1.

I remember when I was in Class 10th, I got to know what porn was. It was when I got a new computer connected to Internet. I was so thrilled. I wanted to study so hard, go through all the sample papers available, email my favorite celebrities and lots lots more. I cant express how excited I was. I surfed all sites for my study sample papers. I kept doing that he whole day. I would not evne let my brother touch it and often we both fought about the same. But he was too young to peep into my studies. Days passed with my increased enthusiasm for study and learn new things using the Internet.

One night, I was searching for some academic topic and suddenly an ad popped up saying, “Click here to have real fun”. I still remember ! A teen of such small age, who has not even completed her 14 years, is obvious to get curious and click. I clicked and a new window opened. I don’t remember the name of the site, but the pictures I saw just took my breath away. Sweats rolled down from behind the ears, from my forehead. Those filthy pictures, I just could not understand what was all that about. But anyway, it looked really nasty and vulgar. I closed it at once and shut down my PC. Though, I didn’t look at it for much time, but still I kept thinking about it the whole night. I was so shocked, I could feel my heart beat faster and faster and could not sleep for the whole night. I thought of talking to my family or friends, but could not. I just know this much that whatever I did was not supposed to be seen.

Days passed, and with the pressure of exams and studies, the incident had become dusky. But one day suddenly I felt like seeing the site again. This thought came into my mind reading some topic related to “sexual health”. I searched on net with some objectionable words, I wondered, how easily it could be accessed. I kept browsing, looking at pictures, looking at streaming videos. It was providing me with ultimate pleasure and fun. The world looked so good for few moments. But it was just for few minutes to few hours. Then I felt saturated with those stuffs. It no longer could bind my attention. At such small age, I was unable to understand what I was exactly going through. But I used to look at it whenever I felt like. After a few days, I used the Internet only for this purpose, not realizing the fact that I had got addicted to pornography.

Incident 2.

I used to go to my friend’s house for ‘combined’ studies. We used to more fun than studies. This is why I think it was named as ‘combined’ studies. He had Internet access at his home. We used to play computer games for hours together. We used to have a nice time enjoying ‘no studies’. One day while searching for some game, I came across a dirty site, unknowing that it is a porn site. We both threw shocks at each other and looked. We laughed, giggled loud to hide our nervousness. We passed comments saying, “That’s so stupid. Turn it off.” But we never turned it off. We kept watching it. Then I went home. After that our lives changed. We started feeling like a man. My friend kept searching for more photos, videos on the net and would watch it with me. I could not realize but I was getting addicted. I knew I wanted more and more. I didn’t want to look. But I Did.

Incident 3.

I went to a convenience store with one of my friend. There I saw him picking up some nude magazines. I wondered ! what was all that about ? He gave me one to read. As I started, I fell like reading more and more. My heartbeat rose, chills ran down my throat, hands wet in sweat and sweat rolled down my face. It was a completely different experience. I enjoyed reading that with a continuous feeling of nervousness and hesitation, as if I am doing a crime. I kept burrowing more and more such materials from my friend and would often stole from stores. My anxiety grew more and more. I never realized I got addicted. I felt close and so much wanted to someone, without even realizing that there was nothing real in it.

How Feelings Work ?

Have you ever thought of a house under construction. How it appears in its skeletal form ? Biologically, your body and sexuality also resembles the same. During birth, your sexuality was with no potential, which gained power as we developed puberty. Since then the sexuality is activated in an individual. All individuals have a mix of male and female hormones. Following your secondary sexual development, you will start feeling the rise and fall of the hormones for the opposite sex. If you are a girl, you will feel for a boy. If you are a boy, you will fall for a girl. It is very natural. It can be a strong and thrilled urge, can also be frightening at times.

Your feeling to come near her, hold her hands, sleep on his shoulders, lie on his laps, hug her to console, hug her to show your happiness, kiss her to show your ultimate love is all very obvious biologically. Even Psychology says, it is a strong urge to explore a personality which is so different from you, a strong need to love and to be loved, a desire to express your thoughts, to be unashamed and never be alone again. But all the above are associated with several questions like – “will I get person I dream of”, “Will I ever fall in love”, Will he / she fall for me”, “Am I perfect to pull some one’s attention” and many more. This is nothing else than a kind of fear.

Is The Wait Worth ?

Most people knows that having sex before marriage is wrong. And some think it’s just a crap idea to spoil some one’s party. But have you ever given a thought on the consequences of untamed hearts ? Sex at an early age can be the cause for several deadly diseases like AIDS, STDs and several other social humiliations like abortions, divorces, unwanted pregnancies, and adulteries. These are all additions to the fun you had in the party. Sex is not always a need, it has some protective reasons also.

The holy Bible also has lesson about sex, which says “Sex is wonderful within marriage. Outside of marriage, it’s an offense to the inventor”. Are you thinking why only marriage is said, why not a truly committed relationship work? Because the commitment a man and a woman make during their ceremony of marriage is the only that counts. People tend to take this commitment very seriously, they promise to share responsibilities, they commit to stay together always, they accept to respect and care for each other’s feelings, because it is set in front of the family, friends and many other invitees, who are the evidences of their true relationship. And it is believed that in marriage the love is echoed with the God. A man should love himself whenever he loves his wife. It should be a mutual thing.

For instance – Virgins who have never had sex, will be very nervous in their wedding night. You should be nervous for the biggest night of your life. Isn’t the night and relationship worth celebrating. You will unfold the mysteries of love together. Make your honeymoon a little more than your vacation. The ‘first time’ comes only once in every one’s life.

The Adam And The Eve-

In the beginning, there was nothing ! And then God created the world by carving Adam and Eve and putting life into them. They were presented to each other by God to start the life on earth. As they came closer to each other, they realized their importance. Adam accepted, “She is part of my own flesh and bone!” This is how commitment and marriage works. This bonding is needed, for which you can join your wife, leaving all other social activities. Because the sexual satisfaction is the best within a marriage. Because when you feel you are no longer two and are emotionally one, get married so that no one can separate you. After all God will join you both together.

I know it’s not easy to resist the temptations and tough to wait to have sex. But all good things comes after a long wait ! Isn’t it ?

• Strategy of Pornography is ‘Fantasy’.
• The logic behind pornography is ‘making the viewers sexually excited‘.
• The Motto of Pornography is ‘selling sex‘.

What Do You Find In Pornography ?

Pornography is all about illusion which young, innocent minds like yours are unable to understand.

Why You Use Pornography ?

Hope you are not addicted ! Taking time to think ? Are you a Sex-addict ? Is it only fun that is making you look at such meaningless and unethical materials or you cannot live without it ?

Where Can You Find Pornography ?

Teens do not find pornography. In fact, pornography finds teenagers, even in cases where they do not look for it. The reason is Internet, which is an unavoidable part of each teen’s life. Porn sites are very easily available even searching for simple topics. And specifically, the chat rooms are the worst place to get exposed to the pornography.

Is Pornography Harmful To Teens ?

Most of you will not agree with me but would definitely take a thought in your mind. Isn’t it ? But its the bitter truth that really cannot be avoided. Its the hormones, that make you all teenagers so confused and curious for every new thing. This is the age of puberty, a very impressionable age at which most teens get interested in talking about sex and looking at pictures and things representing sex and sex symbols. Most teens get exposed to pornography due to their eagerness at such age.

All teens who watch pornographic are not always addicted but most of them of course develop into sex addicts. Their innocence and childhood gets lost within the dirty game of the sex industry. The teen boys within the age group of 12-17 are the targets for the porn industry. They tend to become their lifelong customers even after they grow old.

The porn industry preys on such minds and earns out of them. Every second, thousands of dollars are spent on pornography. But exposure to a dirty aspect of sex at such an early age can be harmful. Teens have been seen to get fascinated over the exposure to pornography and start experimenting with sex. Obviously, ‘playing with sex‘ at an early age can have serious consequences. Because ’sex’ for them is just a ‘fun element‘. The real meaning and aestheticism is lost.

• The effects have been seen to be progressive ending up with addictions. Teen boys have been found engaged in oral sex commonly.
• The higher exposure can increase the risk of sexual assaults, child molestation and rape in teens.
• The most deadly consequence is the increasing number of sexually transmitted diseases amongst the teenagers. In the US, at least 1 out of every 4 girls who are sexually active has been found infected with some kind of sexually transmitted disease.
• Most of us may not agree, but it is a fact that pornography can cause stress on teen minds. Many teenagers have been found suffering from self-esteem issues. It can hamper their growth and mental development.
• Pornographic viewing conveys ” Women is valued only for her body. The feeling of lust is the only reason for which a woman is admired, loved and cared. This can be reason of depression and onset of several eating disorders in many teen girls.
• Pornography teaches avoiding the need of living the whole life with one dedicated person and cheating in relationships.
• Unplanned pregnancies is another alarming concern worldwide. Which is of course a consequence of pornography.
• The education and career also goes for a toss.

Time Frame -

Do you know about the menstrual cycle of your partner. before indulging into any sexual activities, if you get to know about her menstrual periods, you may take a step in avoiding pregnancy. Usually a girl becomes pregnant only after 2 weeks of her last menstrual cycle. From here the pregnancy will last for almost a 40 weeks. These 40 weeks are divided into three periods:-

1. The first trimester (starting from the 1st week to the end of the 12 week)
2. The second trimester (starting from the beginning of the 13th week to the end of the 26th week)
3. Third trimester (starting from the beginning of the 27th week till the end of the pregnancy).

Doctor Appointments -

Appointments with doctor are a must. You and your girl may be ashamed and restricted by your mind to see a doctor. But do not let that happen. Whatever has happened is already over, think about going forward with your decision and living your life accordingly. You must see a doctor once in every month. This must be done as a habit from the very beginning since pregnancy is confirmed. You will be required to see the doctor more often as the due date nears. A weekly visit may be needed towards the end of the third trimester.
In case, your partner is at any risk during her pregnancy due to her age, size, medical history or health complication. support her. Consult health provider very often and follow their guidelines strictly.
An ultrasound test may be done to detect the size, growth, health and conditions of the baby.
You need to follow the doctor’s guidelines to keep your girl and your baby away from any problems.

Symptoms -

How to doubt if your girl is pregnant. Check with her if she is having any delay in her menstrual periods. Because the first confirmatory test is the absence of periods during pregnancy. Check with her if she is complaining of nausea and vomiting. It can start at any time during pregnancy, which is often termed as Morning sickness. Symptoms like fatigue, cravings for food, tenderness in breasts, aches and pains and headaches can be felt during pregnancy.

Considerations -

You must consider telling your parents about the pregnancy. Its not only about your parents but also the parents of your partner. Of course they have a right to know whatever is going on in their child’s life. I know this is very difficult, but have to be done. In extreme cases, parents at both sides may ask you both to move out. Think about alternate arrangements to live. Because sex might be a matter of fun for you at your age, but the consequences is no more a fun element. You need to have some guidance from elder ones.

Choices -

Make choices and take decision for your baby’s mother, baby and you. Basic three options available to you are:-

• raise the baby on your own,
• put the baby up for adoption,
• have an abortion

Any of the above decision you take would change your entire life. After all its your baby, your blood, your portion. Be very supportive in whatever decision, your girl takes. In case, you both clash in decision, do not argue or fight. try to convince her by putting forward your thoughts, the demerits and clues to support your decision.

Support -

Your support will be the gift of a lifetime which your girl friend would need during her entire pregnancy.

Above all this, teen boys and girls this is a lesson for you. Do not indulge in sexual activities unless you are completely aware of what it is ? ‘Safe Sex’ is the best option to prevent pregnancy.

Talking about sexuality with your children can challenging. Sometimes parents are afraid about talking too much too soon. No parent needs to be an expert on sexuality to have meaningful conversations with their children, and every parent can and should share his/her values about sexuality, relationships and respect for others.

Is it necessary to talk about it?

Kids need to know how their bodies function, how to prevent pregnancy and disease transmission. Sex education is also a process of building trust with your child.

Your child needs to know that:

It’s not that they don’t know. Sometimes they

Many teens on their own don’t tell the truth to their parents when it comes to sex, for four main reasons:

• They don’t want to anger their parents.
• They don’t want to disappoint their parents.
• They feel scared that they have done something wrong, and are ashamed of talking about it.
• They think their parents don’t care to know because they don’t talk about it to them.

Therefore, it is necessary that parents take the initiative and start talking about it. Parents are actually the most influential factor in teens’ knowledge and decisions about sex. Many a times teens themselves want to know from their parents about sex.
How to go about it?

When talking about sex:

Still not sure about talking to teens about sex!

Then you need to know that:

• Over one million teens become pregnant each year.
• Young girls have more problems during pregnancy.
• Babies of young, teen mothers are more likely to be born with serious health problems.
• Sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) are at epidemic levels. You may have heard of herpes, gonorrhea, chlamydia, and AIDS.
• Some STD’s are incurable. They may cause pain, sterility, or sometimes even death.

That’s because if they want to have sex with someone, condoms are important! Sex can be great, but there are risks involved like catching infection or a woman getting pregnant. If you don’t want to end up with a STD (sexually transmitted disease) or with a unwanted baby, using a condom is a good idea. No unmarried teenage girl I suppose, will like the idea of telling her parents that she is pregnant or has herpes?
Whose responsibility is it anyway?

Women think it’s the man’s job to make sure he uses a condom while boys think contraception is a woman’s duty. They’re both wrong – it takes two to have sex, so both partners should take the responsibility and make a joint effort.

Why don’t teenagers protect themselves if they are having sex?

It’s not that they don’t know. Sometimes they

• are embarrassed about buying or getting condoms
• feel date pressure
• use alcohol and drugs
• have a lack of knowledge
• believe that using birth control pills is enough protection
• don’t think ahead of time

Should I feel embarrassed about using a condom?

No! Rather it makes you look more mature, and responsible enough to take care of yourself and your sexual partner.

So where can I get them?

Buying condoms can seem frightening or embarrassing, especially for a young person, but it really isn’t. You can get them in most pharmacies or drugstores and a number of supermarkets sell them. If you’re still too embarrassed to go and buy them, you can sometimes get them from vending machines or over the internet.
But there are so many different kinds and brands! Which one is best for me?

There are a lot of different varieties of condoms e.g. Lubricated, Spermicidal, Ribbed, Coloured, Flavoured etc which come in various sizes and materials. As long as you are using a good quality condom, it really doesn’t matter which type or which brand of condom you go in for.

What is a female condom?

There is also now available a female condom, which is a type of pouch that fits inside the vagina.

Doesn’t condom spoil the whole mood ?

One of the main reasons that teens say they don’t like using condoms is that they think condoms interrupt a passionate moment.

But it doesn’t really have to ’spoil the moment’, because helping your partner wear a condom itself could be a very exciting and arousing act.

What if the condom breaks?

If a condom breaks while you’re having sex, then stop right away and put a new condom on. If you think some semen has escaped from the condom, talk to your doctor about getting emergency contraception and a HIV/STD test.

Never re-use a used condom.

Do parents have any role in educating teens about condoms?

By recommending condom usage to teenagers, most parents think that they are actually conveying dangerous ideas to their children

• that “safe sex” is achievable;
• that everybody is doing it, so you can also go for it
• that it’s a good thing to do; and
• that their peers know they know these things, breeding promiscuity.

But that’s not true?

On the contrary, teens can understand, accept and implement the abstinence message when their parents openly talk to them about safe sex mechanisms like using condoms.

If you are a responsible parent and feel that your son or daughter is thinking about engaging in sexual intercourse, you must talk to them about condom usage, other wise you are exposing them to several sexually transmitted diseases. Kids are going to enter this area anyway, so isn’t it our duty as parents to make sure they are properly informed and protected?