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Talking With Teens About Sex
Parents are the most important sex educators of their children.
Talking about sexuality with your children can challenging. Sometimes parents are afraid about talking too much too soon. No parent needs to be an expert on sexuality to have meaningful conversations with their children, and every parent can and should share his/her values about sexuality, relationships and respect for others.
Is it necessary to talk about it?
Kids need to know how their bodies function, how to prevent pregnancy and disease transmission. Sex education is also a process of building trust with your child.
Your child needs to know that:
It's not that they don't know. Sometimes they
- Desire is one of the joys and wonders of being human, but it takes a long and gradual time to know how to handle it.
- Sexuality is a natural part of adolescence, though it doesn't necessarily mean beginning of sexual activity.
- Any sexual involvement should be by mutual consent only.
Many teens on their own don't tell the truth to their parents when it comes to sex, for four main reasons:
- They don't want to anger their parents.
- They don't want to disappoint their parents.
- They feel scared that they have done something wrong, and are ashamed of talking about it.
- They think their parents don't care to know because they don't talk about it to them.
Therefore, it is necessary that parents take the initiative and start talking about it. Parents are actually the most influential factor in teens' knowledge and decisions about sex. Many a times teens themselves want to know from their parents about sex.
How to go about it?
When talking about sex:
- Follow your child's lead: If the conversation is going in a direction you didn't expect, take a deep breath and go there, too.
- Please don't preach: Have a one to one conversation with your children - don't lecture them. Find out what they think and how they feel about sexuality and relationships.
- Promote confidence: All children deserve to be wanted and loved, and parents can reinforce this message. Let them know you are interested in what they think and how they feel about any topic, whether it is sexuality, school, religion, the future or whatever. When your children share feelings with you, praise them for it. Correct misinformation patiently, and reinforce your values whenever possible.
- Keep the conversation going: Very often, parents think they need to wait until they collect enough information and energy to be prepared to have "THE TALK" with their children. However, sexuality is a part of every person's life from the moment he or she is born. It is important, therefore, to start the conversation early, and to make it clear that you are always available and willing to talk about sex.
- Don’t miss out on your sense of humuor: Sexuality, in most of its aspects, can be a joyful topic for discussion in the family if you make it humourous and not something serious.
- Make it a one to one open conversation: The parent doesn't always have to be the person who knows everything. Be open to hear what your teen knows. After all, they know more than their parents about the way things are happening in their life.
- Don't be judgemental at any stage: Teens are extremely sensitive to judging, it may create a situation where he/she feels uncomfortable and stop or avoid further discussion.
Still not sure about talking to teens about sex!
Then you need to know that:
- Over one million teens become pregnant each year.
- Young girls have more problems during pregnancy.
- Babies of young, teen mothers are more likely to be born with serious health problems.
- Sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) are at epidemic levels. You may have heard of herpes, gonorrhea, chlamydia, and AIDS.
- Some STD's are incurable. They may cause pain, sterility, or sometimes even death.